Alien Hominid Xtreme | a Review
originally published on 14/12/2024;
Hello everyone, I am the EXTRA terrestrial, G.E.M.Simov, a terrestrial so EXTRA that I chill with other extraterrestrials, here to tell you about the flash game “Alien Hominid Xtreme”.
Simple review details - I rank games on an out of 10 basis, granting up to 3 points in 3 categories, as well as a last, single point from my own self, depending on my experience with it.
Gameplay
Alien Hominid Xtreme (henceforth AHX) is a strange departure from what Alien Hominid was - because it’s about riding a bike, running over civilians, blowing up civilian cars and having a shoot-out with FBI agents in increasingly more armored cars.
The Player controls the Alien Hominid, who is riding a hoverbike. At the start of each ‘run’ - because this is an infinite runner game, essentially - the Player is given a little Guitar Hero-esque mini-game to take part in. They need to press the appropriate Arrow Key (or one of the WASD equivalents) at the right time, 5 different times. For each successful button press, the Player Character (PC) will get a bigger speed boost at the start of the ‘run’.
Then, after the mini-game, the game actually begins. The Player can control the infinitely moving forward hoverbike by pressing the Arrow Keys (or the WASD equivalents) to move it up, down, left and right along the screen. The Player can also, by default, press the Z key to shoot forward.
On the playing field the Player will find civilians who are not in cars - running over them gives the Player a chance at receiving an “Extremity”, as well as some money - and civilians who are in cars. Those must be shot with the Z key, otherwise they get in the way and have collision, allowing for unfortunate impediments.
The civilian cars getting in the way is problematic, because there are also FBI manned vehicles on screen. Usually, the game sticks to two of those at a time, and these have a certain amount of health points, requiring a certain number of shots to be taken down… And they shoot back at the PC. The PC has 100 hit points and can take a number of hits equivalent to that - some hits deal more damage than just 1, but the basic FBI goon’s pistol does 1 point of damage per shot.
So the goal is to get as far as possible while shooting at the FBI and trying to avoid their shots, while, simultaneously, getting as much money as possible.
Immediately, problems present themselves. The PC cannot shoot backwards - they just can’t. The FBI dudes can shoot forward and backwards, which allows for certain situations that feature an FBI goon popping up out of the side of the screen behind the PC, but not coming any further, and just tailing the PC endlessly, shooting at them and operating with absolute impunity. That is bothersome, because the enemy cannot be killed, but, at least, the shots are dodge-able - since they fly at a speed that is low enough to allow for timely maneuvers that prevent damage from being taken.
What is worse is when the FBI goons tailgate the PC, or force the PC into tailgating them, just slamming themselves into the PC, in which situation the PC cannot avoid their shots (which hit almost as soon as they are fired), thus taking free damage. The means to avoiding this lies in moving around, but even if there are no civilian cars around, two FBI dudes can just sandwich the PC and the only escape is to kill one of them, which renders around a tenth, if not more, of the PC’s health missing by the end of the ordeal.
There are more issues - such as civilian cars showing up and being impossible to damage with the PC’s shots until they are at least halfway out, though during that time they can comfortably box the PC in and create unfavorable scenarios. Alternatively, FBI goons shooting at the PC from beyond the edge of the screen, either completely invisible or only showing a tiny part of their sprite, rendering them almost impossible to see. That’s tough.
Still, the amount of health the PC has allows for these events to occur. On top of that, there are other solutions - more on them later - but first, I must express that this is a carpal-tunnel game. Pressing and holding down the Z key makes the PC continuously shoot, but the fire-rate is excruciatingly slow - especially when compared to what the Player can do by repeatedly pressing the Z key as fast as possible.
And here is the cooker - the Player wants to constantly be pressing the Z key so as to maximize the amount of damage dealt and minimize the amount of time FBI dudes are on screen, so as to minimize their ability to do damage to the PC. That leads into - you guessed it - the Player causing themselves pain from repeatedly pressing the Z key, as fast as possible. That sucks, and it sucks A LOT.
But that is also related to the solution to these other problems - the Upgrade system. After running out of health, the hoverbike explodes and the ‘run’ ends, at which point the Player is brought to a screen allowing them to retry (and start a new ‘run’) or go to the shop. The shop features upgrades - some of them increase the speed of the hoverbike, either directly or by affecting the boost at the start of a ‘run’, others increase the bike’s damage… Some introduce new means of dealing with stuff.
Those are the shield - activated by pressing the X key - which is a shield and allows the PC to mitigate some damage. Initially, that is quite useless, as the shield functions as 30 extra hit points that the Player needs to actively press and hold the X key to access. However, while doing that, the PC is slowed down so greatly that they are barely capable of maneuvering, and they can not shoot - so it is not worth the effort. Naturally, getting upgrades makes the shield more and more usable, but at its base form it is LITERALLY worthless, unless the Player is totally certain they will get hit, then it can have a very situational use.
The other two upgrades include Grenades, thrown by pressing the C key. Grenades are limited by ammunition and ALSO only go forward, but are a neat addition, as they tend to do more damage than the PC’s shots. The last upgrade is the Oil upgrade, which, upon pressing V, releases oil behind the PC, making enemies caught in it crash (instantly killing them). This is the only means of dealing with enemies behind the PC, and it is limited in quantity, much like the grenades. In addition, there are enemies who are immune to the oil spill. Unfortunately, the oil spill is not only far more limited in quantity than grenades (having only 1 upon first getting the upgrade, whereas the Player has 5 grenades), but is also monstrously inefficient when compared, due to the size of the collision box present. It is clunky and wonky, and barely works.
One other issue that the game has is just how slow it is. It tracks speed in Kilometers Per Hour, but IN REAL TIME, and the PC moves at 54 kilometers per hour, which is just… It’s very, very slow. It feels slow. The gameplay is unfathomably repetitive past minute three, and there’s a resounding feeling of sluggishness. It is both fast paced - thanks to the constant barrage of goons - but also very slow, either because of the way money is generated (it feels as though it happens slowly), or because of something else that I can not get a grip on, but… Well, it’s not neat.
On top of that, enemy types only change as kilometers get reached PER RUN, so every time the Player starts a run they must contend with car guys for two minutes, then grenade jeep guys and car guys for roughly two times as much, and only then do other goons show up - the reader should keep in mind that we are talking about kilometers covered in REAL TIME, at a speed of 54 Kilometers per Hour, which is LESS THAN 1 per minute. It’s… It’s staggeringly slow.
The game just does not feel good to play. 1/3
Presentation
AHX is a decent in appearance game, with a cartoony style that, unfortunately, loses much of what made the original Alien Hominid’s look appealing. It is too clean, the lines - almost factory made - and, on top of that, there are two very major issues. The Alien itself looks not only extra long (and tall), but as if it has put on weight in a particularly unflattering manner. I have never seen it look so unlike itself, and… It’s ugly.
The cars (the ordinary cars) are also really ugly, reminiscent of a child’s rendition of an automobile, rather than a car. It could be done for clarity, but it is still something that was left with me following my completion of the game.
Then, there’s the matter of audio. The game does not have a rich library of sound effects, though a decent number of them sound quite well and are evocative of a good time. However, the music is very problematic, due to the fact that there is only one track, and it is a track that loops. If the ‘runs’ were a tad shorter, that would be less of an issue, but due to their stupendous lengths the Player is subjected to that same song for upwards of ten or more minutes at a time, and it becomes incredibly grating.
Similarly, the comedic background elements are lost. There are a few tidbits from the vibe that have remained, such as facial expressions every now and then, but the game is a bit sterile in comparison to Alien Hominid.
Lastly, it has a comprehensive tutorial, and the upgrades in the shop are well described… With the exception of grammatical and spelling errors being present. 2/3
Story
There is absolutely no story. The Alien Hominid is just going on a road rage rampage. 0/3
Legendary Point
Does this game get the Legendary point, so craved and wanted by all and none at the same time? For an infinite runner, this game is middling at best, and it has no special quality that could make it something unique. It did not spark the flame within yours truly, and so NO, it does not get the Legendary Point. 0/1
Conclusion
3/10. Alien Hominid Xtreme is an extreme example of what happens when someone tries to do something with a thing that was, that is far too distant from the original state of that which was. It has some decent ideas, but is bogged down by far too many problems, as well as the fact that playing it becomes literally painful for the Player. I do not recommend trying this flash game.
On the wall of shame I hang this game. A shame, indeed, for that yellow fellow deserves… More.