Burrito Bison | a Review
originally published on 14/12/2024;
Hello everyone, I am the burrito enjoyer, G.E.M.Simov, a member of those who mourn the mighty buffalo, here to tell you about their distant cousin - Burrito Bison .
Simple review details - I rank games on an out of 10 basis, granting up to 3 points in 3 categories, as well as a last, single point from my own self, depending on my experience with it.
Gameplay
Burrito Bison (BB) is one of those games in which the Player really barely does anything. In fact, it is a game that features a lot of empty air, during which the Player just observes the carnage that their actions (clicking once) have led to. However, this is not an idle game - it is a fast paced, rapid experience that can last a person a few hours before becoming very stale and running out of content.
However, those first few hours are explosive. The Player is urged to click at the right time, and upon doing so, their Character is propelled through the air. The fellow flies, having gained some speed, and collides with entities - in this case, gummies, be they normal or special - and KILLS them horribly, by squashing them underfoot. Upon squashing a gummy, the Player Character (PC) bounces off of them and gets a bit of money, but loses a bit of their momentum and total height. Alternatively, the PC hits the ground, losing a lot more momental and height.
Ultimately, the PC loses all of its speed and comes to a halt on the ground. Then the Player is presented with the shop, wherein they can use all the money obtained by squashing gummies to purchase upgrades.
The upgrades increase the initial propulsion’s power, increase the height gained from squishing gummies, reduce the speed lost by hitting the ground, increase money earned - overall, they make things a lot better. There are also a number of upgrades that increase the rates at which special gummies spawn.
These special gummies do certain things. They have extra money, or they have bombs, or they have rockets and balloons - which just do a thing when the PC falls on top of them, and it is beneficial, and that is it. Then there are other special gummies, which have pogo sticks, gliders, gum - which, when the PC falls upon, introduce a tiny mechanic that further aids the Player in increasing their speed and height.
In the case of the pogo stick, the Player needs to click just as the PC collides with either the ground or a gummy, to get a boost to their height and speed. In the case of the glider, the Player needs to click at the right time - as the Glider is going upwards - to increase their Character’s speed (and height), and in the case of the gum, well… The Player must click as frequently as possible to gain as much speed and height as possible.
The special gummies are very neat, and can help the Player tremendously. However, there are also a couple of hindrances - aside from the ground. First - police gummies. These can either slow the PC tremendously, or outright stop them and end the propulsion. Dealing with them is quite unpleasant, but there are… Two solutions.
One of them will be discussed a bit later, along with the other hindrance. The other is one of the mechanics that the Player has at their disposal at all times. The Player can click (while not engaging with one of the special gummy mechanics) to make their Character propel themselves down at great speeds. This is most useful for hitting a special gummy that is just beneath the PC, but it is also useful in dealing with police gummies, due to the fact that using this (let’s say ‘slam’) significantly reduces the amount of speed and height lost from hitting the ground, hitting a normal gummy (as that also reduces those two things, remember) or hitting a cop.
Slamming can only be done once every few gummies squished, but there is an upgrade that increases the number of slams that are readily available. It is quite fun to click six times and observe the incredible boost of speed and carnage that takes place…
So yes, slamming cops is one of the ways to deal with them. However, there is another hindrance - DOORS! Those require a lot of speed to break through, and then SIGNIFICANTLY reduce the speed at which the PC is moving, often enough to just stop them completely. The solution is to upgrade Resistance at the store, which just reduces the loss of speed and height from hitting cops and doors.
The goal of the game is simple - break through the last (fourth) door. To do so, the Player will need to not only upgrade everything available in the store, but also get lucky. In fact, this game is all about getting lucky - how the gummies spawn and align underneath and ahead of the PC, and which gummies it is that do so.
While the Player has some agency, thanks to the slam ability, it is very limited, because, again, the Player must get lucky and have gummies underneath them to smash. On top of that, upon reaching greater speeds, the rate at which things go by becomes so unmanageable that it is very difficult to notice a gummy and slam it.
Overall, though, the experience is very entertaining, and is definitely pleasant. The over-reliance on random chance is middling, or minor, as a result of which I have no great complaints. 3/3
Presentation
Burrito Bison looks really neat. Courtesy of the bright colors coupled with thick black outlines, everything pops, and its cartoony appearance is accompanied by a particularly rough, maybe even grimy addition. The gummy bears that dot the landscape all look a bit slimy, the Burrito Bison looks a bit dirty, the structures and floors… Well, everything has texture. Thus, I decree that the artists working on the appearance of this game did a very good job.
Then there’s the matter of the game’s tutorial - there’s none, instead supplanted by pop-ups that appear whenever a new mechanic is encountered by the Player along the road. This is further accompanied by a number of tips that appear in the shop window, all of which are brief and succinct, whilst also helpful enough to guide the Player into figuring out what needs to happen… Not that there’s much need for it, as the game is very simple. Still, what little does need explaining is present.
One of the unfortunate mishaps of this game is the fact that it is all about gaining speed, and, whenever one gains a lot of speed, everything becomes a blur and is quite unpleasant on the eyes, for prolonged periods of time. There are some mechanisms to alleviate this in the game, such as gummies moving roughly independent of the PC’s speed, but even then the rapidity of the backgrounds is so head-swiveling that one’s eyes can’t help growing tired during lengthy play-sessions.
One other thing that the game does quite well is sound - the scores that accompany everything are pleasant, helping the Player to either get hyped up or to wind down, to experience the fabled ‘intermission’ in full force. The sound effects are also very crisp and really help with providing intense, almost visceral hit-feedback - while also conveying how pleasant it is (for the Burrito Bison, perhaps) to get his revenge on the gummies by crushing them, or just how obscenely large the amount of money obtained at the end of a propulsion is.
The game presents itself excellently, everything pops, everything works! 3/3
Story
This game has a story, and it is very sad. Burrito Bison is shopping, when a funky bag of candy dubbed ‘candy land’ sucks him up into… Well, a cage. The cage is then uncovered, and he finds himself in a wrestling match against a humongous Jawbreaker, in the middle of a titanic arena, surrounded by thousands of gummy bears.
SO then he throws himself up against the ropes and propels himself, breaking Jawbreaker’s jaw, flying thousands of feet into the air, then he breaks through a door, getting out of the arena (after a few altercations with the gummy police, all while maintaining momentum from his initial propulsion with the ropes of the ring), and flies through the gummy city, killing hundreds of gummies (by squashing them with his luchador moves)... THEN, after even more altercations with the gummy police, he breaks through yet another door, and this time he finds himself out of the city, in candy-land’s countryside.
More gummy deaths follow, more police brutality, until finally, Burrito Bison comes upon a glass door… And breaks through it, succeeding in escaping from Candy Land.
The story is very far behind the gameplay, it is more of a premise provider, rather than anything particular, and yet it is charming. Simple, funky, and sufficient… But still very bare-bones. 1/3
Legendary Point
Does this game get the Legendary point, so craved and wanted by all and none at the same time? I feel compelled to say yes, but at the same time no. I want to give the point to Burrito Bison, because… Come on, it is Burrito Bison! It has such charm, it is entertaining, and it feeds the dopamine receptors quite well.
However, it is a game that is ultimately forgettable. A mobile game that winds up disappearing in one’s memory and never comes up unless provoked by some other direct reminder. Thus, I will say NO, because this game does not ignite a fire within, it does not provide me with the spark. It is only good, rather than exceptional in some particular regard… Or so I feel! 0/1
Conclusion
7/10. Burrito Bison is a very impressive flash game that, as far as I know, managed to break out onto mobile phones. It is a very enjoyable experience for the one, one and a half hours needed to beat it. I would recommend it if one is in need of a distraction for an hour, but it is not really an experience that needs to be had.
I tuck it under my belt. Rough and coarse, but ultimately - quite neat!