Spongebob Squarepants: The Yellow Avenger | a Review
originally published on 30/04/2021;
Hello everyone, I am the captain in the painting, G.E.M.Simov, a most wonderful and not very well of hearing individual, come to tell you all about Spongebob Squarepants: The Yellow Avenger, for the PSP, henceforth referred to as ‘the game’.
Simple review details - I rank games on an out of 10 basis, granting up to 3 points in 3 categories, as well as a last, single point from my own self, depending on my experience with it. Also, I am a gameplay designer and a writer so I got the credentials to talk shit.
Gameplay
This game is very strange. Not only does it tout to be a 3rd person 3D platformer, in the vein of Daxter, which I reviewed previously, but it also has some kind of claims to be a weirdly Open-World adventure from the distant year of 2005. Open-World in the sense that there is a relatively big space around which the player can roam, which feels MASSIVE due to the fact that the player moves painfully slowly.
So, does this game manage to handle the Open-World half of itself? Somewhat. It is more akin to a Metroidvania, in the sense that the world is there and the player can roam about, there is fast travel, there are many possible turns in the road, and then some of those are not available immediately, but, rather, require that the player obtains an item, or a power, or reaches a point in the game, to be able to then pass through.
Thus, the Open-Worlded nature of the game turns into a Metroidvania, and yet it lacks a massive amount of the qualities that make both Metroidvanias good, as well as qualities that make Open-World games good. Why?
Well, as mentioned, the Open-World is actually somewhat closed off, and then it also doesn’t have anything to do in it. The player can walk from place to place - something that requires a lot of free time, by the way - or they can jump on the heads of innocent citizens to then drain Little Dirty Bubbles from them. There is a very small bit of exploring to it, but the game’s Presentation is so cruel that even that exploration is not enjoyable.
So, then, if it doesn’t do Open-World stuff well, it should do Metroidvania stuff well, right? Wrong, alas. Now, in most Metroidvanias, the good ones, at least, there is a means of seeing the items the player has. In this game, there’s a means of seeing SOME of the items the player has. The rest is a mystery that can never be solved. If the player cannot tell how much progress they have made in a quest, or if they even have the item they need to move past an obstacle, then we have a problem.
In short, the issue here is that this game is very, VERY rudimentary in its execution. The platforming? As you might have guessed, it is very rudimentary and ordinary. Nothing exceptional about it, nothing unique or interesting in it. It is not enjoyable, because Spongebob moves so slowly that any correction in movement feels as if it comes a second too late, it is not enjoyable, because collision detection is wonky, and it is very far from pleasant, because of the other wonderful stuff associated with doing anything while playing this game.
I need to address the biggest issue, and that is the fact that the controls are WEIRD and somewhat unresponsive, that some controls do not do what they are supposed to be doing, and that an incredible amount of buttons has been literally ignored - the analog stick has the same exact functions as the arrow buttons.
Then, there’s the issue of the game world. It is, all of it, set on a 2D plane, through which Spongebob can either go East or West, and, in rare circumstances, go North. The sheer act of going North is a hassle, because the player needs to input a command, and then hope they press the correct arrow button, otherwise they will go back to their previous state, so they will need to input the same command again, just so they can get to go North.
The camera is incredibly wonky. Many times, for no reason at all, the camera will just decide to hover over Spongebob, as if this were an isometric game, when this actually makes controlling him harder, and even handicaps the player, due to the fact that it becomes a lot harder to see the Little Dirty Bubbles floating around citizens.
If it hasn’t been obvious enough, the prevalent enemy in this game are citizens, who are panicking, because they’re being swarmed by 1, maybe 2, Little Dirty Bubbles. It’s absolutely insane, and it’s beyond stupid. The way to deal with them is to jump on top of them - which is hard, considering that they either move a little bit slower than Spongebob (but ONLY a little bit) or they move a LOT faster than Spongebob. Due to the issue concerning collision boxes and hitbox detection, half the time the citizen would have slipped out from underneath Spongebob and a Little Dirty Bubble would have appeared in their place, dealing damage to Spongebob and forcing the player to do the same thing over again.
This game really, REALLY lacks polish and its execution is incredibly lackluster, when it comes to Gameplay. 1/3
Presentation
Now, for a 2005 game, this looks pretty good. The visuals are all pretty much spot on, and that’s really nice, but there are some other issues. This game has no voice acting. This game has, exclusively, text. This game’s music is so loud that, even if the PSP is put down to the lowest possible volume, it will still be about as loud as most other games running at 50% total volume.
Not only that, but the music is droning, repetitive, and uninspired. It’s really, really harrowing. The SFX are lackluster as well, and, all in all, this whole thing is only kept in one piece because of the visuals. If those weren’t here, this would be a very, very dour score. 1/3
Story
The story features Spongebob being given Mermaidman’s belt and becoming ‘The Yellow Avenger’, and then going on to save Bikini Bottom. The story’s premise isn’t too bad - the 2 heroes have been in retirement for the whole show, and they never really do anything appropriately, so them getting a replacement - albeit a Spongy one - is a good idea. I find this premise to be quite good.
Though, the writing and the approach taken is really unpleasant. The characters have 1 thing to say, at almost every point in the game, a vast majority of them are rude, and they go through no development. It seems as though the writers were already dipping into the Season 6+ style, even though that Season didn’t start airing until a few years after the game’s release, though I can’t help but feel as if it’s already a very tired formula that is being followed.
However, the prospect of seeing the world of Spongebob, and being able to explore it, was quite appealing. I really enjoyed the few moments of me going into places and seeing things for the first time, or maybe recognizing things from certain episodes. That was fun, although the story, overall, could have been better. 2/3
Legendary Point
Does this game get the legendary point, so craved and wanted by all and none at the same time? Short and sweet - no. This game is staggeringly uninspired and it was far more unpleasant to play, than it was enjoyable or fun, and, thus, it gets nothing. 0/1
Conclusion
4/10. I feel as though I might have been a bit generous, and yet that’s the score it deserves. It’s a game that’s not overwhelmingly bad, but it’s not good, at all. It’s slightly below average, and, thus, you shouldn’t play it, unless you’re a really big fan of Spongebob.
It comes to my attention that I have reviewed a very large number of games for children, and they all pale in comparison to a big, round, yellow creature that looms over the horizon, dwelling in the land of the Rising Sun. Is it true that Westerners suck at kid-friendly media that’s accessible for adults, as well? Is LocoRoco truly the pinnacle of creation? I do not know. But, when it comes to Spongebob Squarepants: The Yellow Avenger...
On the wall of shame I hang this game. Why was it not the Battle for Bikini Bottom?