Godzilla x Kong: The New Empire (2024) | a Review
originally published on 02/05/2025;
Hello everyone, I am the rampaging G.E.M.Simov, a kaiju whisperer and wrangler, here to tell you about the film: “Godzilla x Kong: The New Empire”.
Simple review details - I rank films on an out of 10 basis, granting up to 3 points in 3 categories, as well as a last, single point from my own self, depending on my experience with it.
A disclaimer - the terms 'movie' and 'film' will be used interchangeably in this review.
Presentation
This is a film about destruction. I can even go as far as to call it a film showcasing destruction porn - but that is not exactly the case. Surprisingly, this film takes place, mostly, in a setting that does not feature cities. As a result of that, there's barely any destruction porn - but at the same time, it is purely a kaiju film.
It's about a big monster that fights another big monster. Many, many times in a row. Thus, the important things here are to convey the size of the monsters and to make them look plausible enough as they are bashing their heads in. In addition, it is important to make the destruction that is wrought look believable.
As a result of that, there are no particularly great shots - everything is about showing as much action as possible, making it as “cool” as possible, and preparing the audience for the next action sequence, everything is in some kind of transition from one moment to another, without there being any particularly important glue to bind them together, aside from the wonky plot.
Now, I might be talking about the movie overall, rather than its Presentation, but, actually, I am talking about that. A movie like this actually does not need to look pretty or to feature incredible feats of filmmaking, no composition or framing. Frames do not need to be good by themselves, they do not need to convey anything - be it emotion or anything else. They do not need to tell by showing, they only show - and they do not show anything of substance.
Still, even if that is the case, almost everything else that this movie does in relation to its Presentation is, actually, really good - for the type of movie that it is. The fight scenes are big, the impacts are tangible, but then at the same time there’s something about those fights that's missing, some impact that is not tangible. There is a bit of brutality, shown in two of Godzilla's fights, but then there's no great savagery, no monstrous brawling that showcases grievous wounds.
Frankly, the fights look too clean. There is a white monster that shows up, and that white monster takes part in a large number of fights, but at the same time it remains IMPOSSIBLY pristinely white, even as it gets whomped and wallowed, even as it rolls about on the ground, in the dirt, in the sand. The same applies for Kong, Godzilla - pretty much everyone.
There is only one exception, which is at the very start of the film, which showcases Kong getting showered in viscera that gets him very dirty, and then he has a shower in a waterfall and he's done. So there's potential and propensity for stuff to get dirty, but the big monsters just do not get dirty. That's somewhat bothersome.
What is also bothersome is the fact that there are many shots that look weird. An unfortunate quantity of them is associated with the human characters, in particular those that show up in the latter half of the film. The tools at these people's disposal are so bafflingly inconsistent with themselves, and the appearance of certain objects is so horrendously inappropriately juxtaposed with the others that… It is just weird!
Then there is a large number of scenes that are completely lacking vocal performances and are, instead, filled with noises. However the way these noises are implemented - those being Kong grunting - is very… Problematic. It does not work, it sounds silly, there's this odd reverb or bass boost to everything, because Kong is just that big, and there's something weird about it.
So aside from lacking any great artistic merits, it also has some other weird issues that make the experience lesser. Aside from that, and the very decent visual effects, this film has an unremarkable audio track and… Pink Godzilla and a King Kong with a big mechanic arm and a funky metal tooth. Well, nothing too impressive. It is better than bad, but it is not phenomenal. It is passable, for what it is, and so that's that. 2/3
Acting
This is a big monster movie with human Characters (played by actors) in it. These actors have no room to really shine, but they have room to be mediocre or bad. As a result of that, the actors who show up and act in this movie fail to impress me and capture my attention. In fact, there is a scene that showcases a few issues with the performances, which fail to be believable.
That is, naturally, associated with a bad script, but also a lackluster ability to appropriately approach the situation that needs to be presented. There is also a child actor, and the child actor does a decent, but not excellent job. There is also a number of stupid scenes that involve people looking at one another and communicating via telepathy and showing no emotion at all.
Ultimately, the actors show up, collect a paycheck, and fail to screw up spectacularly. There is also a fat, funny black guy. 2/3
Story
Godzilla is killing monsters. King Kong is hanging out in Hollow Earth, HOWEVER he has a toothache. So he goes up to the surface, gets a new tooth, and goes bye bye, before Godzilla can find and beat him up.
Meanwhile, weird tremors lead into even weirder situations. A base in Hollow Earth is not responding - it needs to be examined. The human characters go to do that, following Kong as he goes back there. A Chekhov's gun is set up via their jet's cloaking device and some electrical pterodactyls.
They go and take a look at the station - destroyed by a monkey, but not Kong. They go and investigate… But one of the humans dies! Ah well, HUMAN civilization in Hollow Earth! Super old, super advanced! And a cocoon!
Meanwhile, Godzilla is charging up with radiation. Interesting. Simultaneously, Kong meets other huge monkeys! But they're not good. He forces one of them to lead him to its home, and along the way he earns its trust.
Then he goes and sees the huge monkeys toiling away, moving stones, in a molten wasteland. Weird. Kong attempts to stop the mistreatment, but the monkey king (who is evil) stops him. They fight.
Monkey king unveils the frost dragon lizard monster he controls with a blue shard (completely inexplicable and remains unexplained, aside from it being pain) and beats Kong. Kong runs away, almost gets got, but the little monkey whose trust he earned helps him just in time.
Then Kong, very wounded and frostbitten, goes to the ancient human civilization in Hollow Earth. There, the human squad (which has a member of said civilization’s surface world offshoot with them) has somewhat gotten along with the natives. So, Kong - wounded and dying. Conveniently, on the squad is also the DOCTOR. The doctor gets a conveniently positioned in Hollow Earth mecha gauntlet, which has built in healing serum injectors, so he flies it over.
Power up follows, then Kong goes through a portal to bring Godzilla over so that they can team up and beat the monkey king and his slave. Meanwhile, the child (from the human squad) goes and resurrects Mothra, who flies up and stops Godzilla from absolutely slaughtering Kong.
Team up occurs, evil monkeys attack, shenanigans, shenanigans - the big combatants end up in Rio, but Kong’s axe is left behind! While the four big ones are duking it out, the little monkey whose trust Kong earned gets the axe, goes through the portal and, with it, manages to destroy the monkey king’s funky blue shard. Now no longer a slave to the monkey king, the frost lizard-dragon joins Godzilla and Kong, and they murder the monkey king. Huzzah!
The movie ultimately ends with the human squad having a little set of mixed messages. The leader of the squad, who is the surrogate mother of the child (who brought back Mothra) thinks that the kid wants to stay with the civilization down in Hollow Earth, but that’s not the case, and they live happily ever after!
So, after spoiling the crap out of this movie’s story - which was all spoiled by the trailer, because the story here is a very loose vehicle for the action scenes - I’ll say that it’s not too terrible. Aside from it somewhat smoothly melding into a coherent thing, it makes use of a certain number of tools that I was pleasantly surprised by.
I mentioned a Chekhov’s gun - the electric pterodactyls - and there is, indeed, a use that is gotten out of those, following their set-up. Then there’s also the little monkey who learns to trust Kong, who comes in handy a number of times. Then there could be said to be some foreshadowing, via the destruction of the base in Hollow Earth, but the audience knows who done it, so it does not get points.
Lastly, the fact that human characters actually get to do something that affects the big boys is really neat. The usual trap that these films fall in is to have humans occupying far too much of the runtime and, thus, making the star of the show - Godzilla and/or Kong - secondary at best. And, what’s even more common, is that nothing the humans do actually matters.
In this film, that’s not the case. Aside from the dental services, and the addition of a funky gauntlet - which indicates that the humans are supporting characters without whose intervention Kong would have actually taken an L - they also actively take part in slowing down the enemy, via the aforementioned electric-pterodactyls, and even allow something to happen. In this case, the thing that is allowed to happen is Mothra’s appearance, and subsequent pacification of Kong and Godzilla’s relationship, which, in turn, led to the monkey king’s defeat.
But does this movie actually have a good story? Ultimately, I’d say it does not. Sure, there is a portion of the film that seems incredibly pointless - such as what does it matter that Kong had a toothache, what does it matter that he went to the surface to get it fixed, so on and so forth - and it almost seems as though this movie could have been thirty minutes shorter, and it would have lost nothing.
At the same time, though, it could be interpreted as set-up. It establishes that the humans actually have means of doing something for Kong, they can tranquilize him, they can heal him, they can work with him. It also establishes that Godzilla will go for Kong and try to kill him as soon as he feels his presence on the surface. It also establishes that there’s something that’s making them both act up - primarily Godzilla.
But, aside from that last thing - which turns out to be the humans in Hollow Earth using funky gravity telepathy to contact Godzilla - everything else is established in previous films, which this movie relies on the audience having watched. After all, is this not a “cinematic universe”?
Regardless, even if it is set up and even if it serves as a means of easing the audience into the film proper, it feels as though it was not that necessary. I might be wrong, of course, but aside from the monkey king laughing at Kong for having a human-made tooth, there’s literally no other use for the tooth at all, there’s no point in dedicating as much screen time to the tooth as winds up getting dedicated to it.
That said, the human characters are the proper characters who do character things here, and there’s something about them that bothers me a little bit. The incredible expertise of the characters is indicated, but then it is completely forgotten, as is the case with the guard that gets sent with the human squad. He is hinted at being incredibly capable and experienced, but then he panics, ignores warning signs and gets eaten. And he panics because of a stupid freakout that makes almost no sense.
Then there’s the quality of communication between the characters - at points some of them understand way too much, way too quickly, with way too little effort. Then, at other points, some of them understand way too little, even though they are putting in great effort to understand whatever it is that they are failing to grasp.
And do not even get me started on the telepathic civilization in Hollow Earth, or how come the monkey king decided to just live with his subjects in the worst place imaginable, rather than living in the lush forests or fields, or WHAT exactly it was that the big apes were even doing. They move rocks, they’re doing some kind of slave labor, but what for? They are building nothing, at least not that the audience is shown. They are just… Doing whatever, and it makes no sense at all.
The story here is loosely passable. It works, because the movie it is in is the type of movie it is - a big monster movie - and it is competent when it comes to being the story of that kind of movie, but outside of that it is not anything special and it begins to crack when the audience starts thinking about it. 2/3
Legendary Point
Does this movie get the Legendary point, so craved and wanted by all and none at the same time? No, Kong punching things and Godzilla going “waa” does not get the Legendary Point. 0/1
Conclusion
6/10. A far higher score than I expected to give this movie, “Godzilla x Kong: The New Empire” is a film with a stupid name that does everything it sets out to do decently well. It is a movie that one goes to watch with their brain turned off, to enjoy some spectacle and brutal action for the fun of it. It could be a film for everyone, but then it could also definitely not be your film. If you are looking for something more out of the cinema you watch - and this is not cinema - then I would not recommend it. If you are not averse to turning your brain off, or if you want to take teenagers to watch it, I would say it is a good watch.
In the bag of mediocrity I chuck it, to gather dust, for it is not something worthy of great recognition.