Reviews

originally published on 16/07/2022; Hello everyone, I am the divine G.E.M.Simov, a cursed creature spoken of in hushed tones, followed by rapid prayers. I’m here to talk about a movie that bothers me. Is it called “The Witch”, with a “W”, or is it

originally published on 07/07/2022; Hello everyone, I am the groundbreaking G.E.M.Simov, a menace to society on the level of the eruption of Yellowstone, and I’ve come to talk to you about natural disasters, namely earthquakes, and the fantasy they’ve inspired in “San Andreas”

originally published on 14/06/2022; Hello everyone, I am the unlicensed paleontologist, G.E.M.Simov, a menace on society and nature as a whole, here to tell you about the sixth(?) Jurassic Park movie, which is the third Jurassic World movie, and is five movies too deep to

originally published on 07/06/2022; Hello everyone, I am the zoocryptidon, G.E.M.Simov, an ancient creature of the likes of Loch Ness' Nessie or the Chupakabra. In this review, I will tell you about 'The Dinosaur Project'. Simple review details - I rank movies

originally published on 13/05/2022; Hello everyone, I am the mystical GEMSimov, a master of the fart arts, here to tell you about “Doctor Strange in the Multiverse of Madness” (henceforth known as ‘the movie’ or ‘the film’). I’ve been maddened by the length of this thing’s

written around 2021; This article is a transcript for something I was planning on making, but wound up not making, thus the stranger wording and its unfinished nature. Hello there, ladies and gentlemen, my name is G.E.M.Simov and I have no qualifications to review any movie. I