Shazam! (2019) | a Review

originally published on 13/06/2022; Hello everyone, I am the wizarding sorcerer G.E.M.Simov, a superior hero of villainous origins who is worthy of everything, and today I'll tell you about the super hero that's meant to be a wizard but isn'

The Dinosaur Project (2012) | a Review

originally published on 07/06/2022; Hello everyone, I am the zoocryptidon, G.E.M.Simov, an ancient creature of the likes of Loch Ness' Nessie or the Chupakabra. In this review, I will tell you about 'The Dinosaur Project'. Simple review details - I rank movies

The Boy in the Striped Pajamas (2008) | a Review

originally published on 30/05/2022; Hello everyone, I am the currently quite somber G.E.M.Simov, a magnificently dreary grinch come to tell you about the 2008 film “The Boy in the Striped Pajamas”, henceforth referred to as BSP, because I’m lazy. Simple review details - I

Doctor Strange in the Multiverse of Madness (2022) | a Review

originally published on 13/05/2022; Hello everyone, I am the mystical GEMSimov, a master of the fart arts, here to tell you about “Doctor Strange in the Multiverse of Madness” (henceforth known as ‘the movie’ or ‘the film’). I’ve been maddened by the length of this thing’s

The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring | a Review/Rant

written around 2021; This article is a transcript for something I was planning on making, but wound up not making, thus the stranger wording and its unfinished nature. Hello there, ladies and gentlemen, my name is G.E.M.Simov and I have no qualifications to review any movie. I

House of the Dragon - Episode 6 Season 1 | a Review

originally published on 30/09/2022; Hello everyone, I am the very sad, quite sad, G.E.M.Simov, a fella in mourning, here to tell you all about the Sixth Episode of the First Season of the serial film: “House of the Dragon”. Simple review details - I try

House of the Dragon - Episode 5 Season 1 | a Review

originally published on 23/09/2022; Hello everyone, I am the painfully reasonable and rational G.E.M.Simov, a very disappointed person, here to tell you all about the Fifth Episode of the First Season of the serial film: “House of the Dragon”. Simple review details - I try

House of the Dragon - Episode 4 Season 1 | a Review

originally published on 22/09/2022; Hello everyone, I am the scarily rash and uncommunicative, G.E.M.Simov, a visitor of pleasure houses, here to tell you all about the Fourth Episode of the First Season of the serial film: “House of the Dragon”. Simple review details - I

House of the Dragon - Episode 3 Season 1 | a Review

originally published on 21/09/2022; Hello everyone, I am the well-fed crab, G.E.M.Simov, very crabbily-crab-crabbed, here to tell you all about the Third Episode of the First Season of the serial film: “House of the Dragon”. Simple review details - I try to rank films on

House of the Dragon - Episode 2 Season 1 | a Review

originally published on 20/09/2022; Hello everyone, I am the son who has made himself, G.E.M.Simov, in all my shoddily cobbled together glory, here to tell you all about the Second Episode of the First Season of the serial film: “House of the Dragon”. Simple review